i hate pretending Wednesday, September 14, 2011 / 4:17 PM
i am alone at home now, dishearten and angry. i am not typing here, wishing that someone would pity me. i do not need pityness from anyone. the thing is, i am here cause this is my blog and this is where i would be spending my time, expressing all my emotions out. it's the only way that it would make me feel a little better.
i went home with a totally depressed feeling. my heart sank. i hate that feeling. With tears dripping down my cheeks and the surroundings which were peaceful enough, everything was different from what is used to be. i managed to endure this pain for awhile from my friends, and when i finally a few feet away from them, my tears just went down and i started crying. this was how long i have endured my emotions and i hate pretending to everyone that i was fine. I HATE IT. trying to laugh with my friends and family is hurting me. no one knows my pain. i dunn mind. but i just hate pretending to be fine and hoping that the following day would be better than the previous day. but in fact, my day's getting worst and i am deeply hurt. i do not wish to cry for just a boy, i do not like it. that's not every girls life to just cry for a boy. i mean, every girl would want to live their own life, same goes to me, i wanna live mine too. but, when it comes to sharing of love, i love people with sincerity. and i could not bear with it when this kinda ppl treat me like a piece of SHIT.
i just dont understand whats your motive of being with me. i think u are hurting me more instead of protecting me. i dunn feel secure when i am with you. i think we are drifting apart now, WAY APART. i just dont understand ur fucking RULE okay. i mean, u said that friends come first. OKAAAY, i understand. so yeaaah, i ask u to not send me home and just spend time with ur friends. and then u said that, we aint supposed to do that, u said that we are supposed to spend time together like 50% with friends and 50% us. LIKE AS IF U ENTERTAIN ME OKAY. u dunn even entertain me, well maybe u did BUT WHAT?..... u just talk to me all those crap stuffs all those SHITS. well, i appreciate that, BUT ITS THAT WHAT U CALL, ENTERTAINING? its CRAAP okaaay. u are just a liar and didnt entertain ur gf. and then, can still like continue talking to me as if i WOULD REALLY LOVE YOUR CONVERSATIONS. let me tell u, ITS DISGUSTING okaay. that's why u are just lousy, i didnt mean to use this word but its just tha fact. u wanna treat me like this, i treat u worst that this. fair enough.
